Well its Friday and I’m feeling much better today than I did yesterday. I had surgery yesterday on my back for a herniated disc that was pinching my sciatic nerve in my left leg. This was all caused by a car accident I was involved in last November. The procedure was a same day procedure so I didn’t need to stay overnight at the hospital. It was done early and I was back home by 2p.m. The remainder of the afternoon and evening came with much difficulty. Not only did I have pain in my back I suffer from chronic migraines and it was on full blast last night. So apart from the migraine and back pain I was also suffering from really bad nausea and dizziness.
I have mentioned in other posts that I have recently separated from my husband. We separated thinking that maybe the space would help somehow bring us back together. yesterday kind of showed me that could never happen after the way he treated me. instead of being the person I needed to lean on, he decided it would be better for him to leave a go play soccer. So I ended up getting help to the bathroom by my ten year old daughter, while my twelve and eight year old were giving me things like crackers to combat the nausea.
I have never been so hurt and especially by someone who I have spent fourteen years married to. We had our problems and decided it would be in our best interest to separate but I never thought that separation also included emotions and compassion. At least it didn’t for me, no matter what is happening in our lives I can’t forget fourteen years that easily. I could never leave him if he needed me, I am just not that person. It just pains me to think that in my time of need that someone who should be by my side isn’t. Our marriage has been quite the roller coaster and just some days we just butt heads to no end but I loved him so I dealt with all the problems. My thinking was that as a mother and his wife it was by obligation or duty to do all in my power to keep us together. I wonder if there are other women out there who felt as though they had to endure so much negativity or insults from a spouse because that was part of your wifely duties? I guess that goes for men too, anyone who has ever been in this type of marriage. It isn’t easy to be in a marriage you’re not happy in but thinking that you have to because that is your place in this life.
Well I thank God for my children. Although they’re dad wasn’t a big help, my girls were there for me when I needed someone most. A twelve, ten and eight year taking care of me like little nurses is beyond words for me. I couldn’t ever imagine what my life would have been like had they never existed. I felt bad in the beginning about asking they’re dad to leave the house because I thought my girls would resent me or feel we were forcing them to take sides. Instead my relationship with them has never been better. They seem like happier little girls and the communication I have with them is wonderful. they talk to me so much more about what goes on in their daily lives and they had never done that before. Things are difficult but at the same time other aspects are getting better.
So this is my update on life and surgery. Today is a good post-surgery day, hopefully tomorrow will be even better. Hopefully the rest of my current situation will get better each day too.
Until next time…. HAPPY BLOGGING!!!