I see no way out

In February I was hospitalized and diagnosed with bipolar disorder, severe anxiety and depression. I am currently on kolonopin, lexapro and ambien. Lately I have been feeling extremely down. My kids dad took them away for Labor Day weekend and the only think I could think of was it would be a perfect time to kill myself. I’m still here so obviously I didn’t do it but it doesn’t leave my mind. My kids came back today and instead of being happy to see them, I feel separated from them, distant. I do t know what to do and I’m so afraid of going back to the hospital.